Tag Archives: Insecurity

The Skinny Within Us

“Help!There’s a skinny person inside of me trying to get out!”

A phrase, similar to the 1980’s Life Call commercial depicting an elderly woman exclaiming, “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”

Why do we cry out in agony, as though our curves are cloaks of doom, needing to be shed?

How sad to go through life convinced that our bodies are not our own. To feel shame and the desire to discard our physical vessels like unwanted clothing. At what point did our self-loathing begin? And at what point do we find our way back to self-love?

There are countless reasons why our “skinny” body may have disappeared (if she was ever even there!):

  • Physical maturity
  • Marriage
  • Childbirth
  • Divorce
  • Health
  • Various life circumstances that evolved and changed, therefore evolving and changing us

Perhaps the thinner bodies which once existed for us humbly and respectfully stepped aside in reverence to the greater, richer, well-rounded person we became through our life experiences. Rather than view our physical transformation as unacceptable, we should proudly display each curve as evidence of the milestones we have reached.  Like the rings of a tree, which grow and expand throughout its existence, so should our curves  represent our accomplishments, wisdom and grandeur.

Consider this: When walking through a forest, what type of tree captures your attention ~ the tiny sapling just emerging from the ground or the mighty oak, casting its lush shadow across the forest floor, proffering comfort, stability and shelter?

The skinny within you may be gone, but don’t fret over your curves, Beautiful One. Instead, spread your branches and revel in your  lusciousness!

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Insecurity and Introspection

“Striving to live an extraordinary life, even through ordinary circumstances.”
 

Tomorrow, I turn 42 years old.

Not a significant number, by any means, and yet, I’ve been feeling intgrospective and a bit sad. 

Whether it’s related to my birthday or not is unclear. I could blame it on the lunar eclipse. Or this season of cold weather, slight loneliness and a holiday cheer that feels elusive despite the fact that I’m surrounded by festivity. 

Perhaps, though, it’s just simple mid-life musings and my positive attitude shifting a notch.

I have never considered myself to be affected by winter blues or seasonal depression, so I can’t put my finger on why I’ve been so blasé the last couple of weeks. But this isn’t like me… and others have noticed.

“Are you doing ok? It’s not like you not to be smiling!”
 

Which is true. I naturally exude a loving, positive energy, and it’s rare not to see a smile upon my face. I keep my chin up, roll with the punches and strive to uplift those who surround me. I have always been this way, since childhood. My mother calls it my “gift.”

And yet, through the last couple of weeks, I’ve caught myself criticizing my reflection in the mirror ~ discontent with my weight, my hair, my overall appearance. Feeling fat. Feeling ugly. Feeling unloved. Subsequently, I end up disappointed and angry at myself for having such thoughts, because I know better than to wallow in trivial self-doubt.

Life is much larger than my ridiculous personal misgivings.

At the same time, however, I feel somewhat entitled to have these negative perceptions. I feel empowered to dwell in my hesitations and depressions on occasion, because they allow me to reevaluate where I’m at, what I’m doing and where it is I want to go. Without these introspective moments, I might miss out on the opportunity to evolve and grow.

There is an occasional misconception that life is all sunshine and roses
And that we must float upon clouds and kiss butterflies all day
Wearing infectious, unfaltering smiles upon our faces
While masking the emotional barriers we hurdle over.
But even the most upbeat person faces moments of doubt and insecurity
And it’s natural and perfectly all right, because those are the moments 
That strengthen our character and offer opportunities for change. ~ E.Z.
 

Yesterday, a good friend reminded me that I am an asset to this world. I am thankful for our conversation, because it helped me place all of this in a better perspective: treat moments of inner struggle and self-doubt as learning opportunities. Grow from them and know that introspection is healthy and beneficial to overall well-being.

And as the saying goes:

 I know it will.

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The Photo That Facebook Deleted

Early yesterday, I posted this photo on the Enchanted Zaftig Facebook page. My intent was to encourage a conversation about it ~ what do you see? what do you think? how do you feel? Occasionally, I post photos of social importance to stimulate responses from the Enchanted Zaftig community and to help us grow and learn as a society.

This particular photo received what was quite possibly the highest number of  responses I have yet to see on the Facebook profile. Approximately 11 new people joined the page yesterday, adding comments of sadness, disbelief, confusion, even positive reinforcement about how beautiful they think this woman really is.

Yes, it’s a simple photo ~ black and white, some words scribbled on the subject’s torso ~ and yet the symbolism is profound. She’s thanking someone, the world perhaps, for hating her body, for making her feel inferior, for causing her emotional pain. You can see it clearly in her eyes. In the heaviness of her shoulders. Across her forehead should be written: “Low self-esteem”.  

This photo drips with sarcasm and sorrow.

At some point in the night, Facebook decided that it needed to be deleted, due to violation of their Rights and Responsibilities code (*gasp* there are nipples showing!) Although I respect and understand Facebook’s policy, I wish that it could be focused more upon pornographic nudity rather than on such a poignant portrayal of one woman’s self-loathing that sadly mirrors a large majority of our population.

It is a photo meant to inspire a conversation, not masturbation.

So here I am… posting it on the Enchanted Zaftig blog, where it will (hopefully) not be censored or removed.

Please feel free to share your comments below:

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